I thought last week was a rather rubbish entry into the SQ portfolio, we looked at some energy drinks that I’d never heard of and were quite bizarrely branded, but they all ended up tasting disappointingly alike, so this time we won’t get our hopes up as I finally rid myself of these awful cans and hopefully get onto something a little more entertaining next week.
V
Okay, so this isn’t too much of an obscure brand, but when am I ever gonna discuss this one. Introduced into the UK market in 2004 but originally launched all the way over in New Zealand by Frucor (now part of Suntory) in 1997. V is most popular energy drink in its home turf and even in Australia where it claims a 42% market share, so once again we’re dealing with an import, well, an imported recipe, far from coming off the production line in sunny Auckland it’s more than likely to have been spewed out of Lucozade-Ribena-Suntory’s massive factory in Coleford, which is about 20 miles west of Gloucester.
Not saying there’s something wrong with Gloucester, I’ve been once to watch Robot Wars, although I will comment that it does have the worst park and ride system in the country that consists of infrequent buses that you can’t pay by card on but also having no cash machine nearby at the “terminal” (a.k.a. a bus stop in a car park) meaning you miss the bus and have to go to a nearby supermarket to withdraw said cash by which time you could have been into the city, seen the sights, had lunch and be back at that scratty Travelodge on the M42.
ANYWAY. Let’s try some of this lovely V stuff shall we? It’s got guarana which I’m sure is very important to the overall recipe, or just an excuse to use lots of green on the packaging, either one, but saying all that I have to say it tastes bloody nice, one of the nicest energy drinks I’ve ever had which is saying a lot because I practically bleed these things as I hate coffee but rely on caffeine just like most others
It has a more subtle sweetness to it and is just generally a lot more drinkable than your average knockoff perhaps it’s the mighty guarana! The only thing that would make this better is if it were sugar-free, then I could be completely happy knowing I’m not consuming any calories, just filling my heart with more and more reasons to stop beating.
Buffalo
MOO-ving swiftly on (sorry) we have a bovine inspired entry that was produced in Italy but actuallly hails from the beautiful nation of Switzerland would you believe, obviously taking inspiration from Austria’s Red Bull, except this time it’s a rather crudely drawn white buffalo with an astounding physique for livestock.
Looking at their website they seem to have gained respectable amount of global coverage since their inception in 2007, infact there’s probably more countries outside of Europe that are apparently exposed to the wonders of Buffalo than inside it, with only the UK, Greece, Denmark and Bulgaria being nearby export markets, not even Italy who are making the bloody things have any stock, how odd.
Anyway, that’s boring, let’s see what it’s like, probably good, anything that’s Swiss made tends to be of exceptional quality, although I’m soon brought back down to Earth by remembering this was 20p in Poundstretcher, and not even made in Switzerland in any event, so we’ll blame the Italians if this goes wrong, it’s a good hobby.
Interesting to note that this one also contains guarana just like our top of the class “V” from before, and to be blunt it hasn’t worked out quite as well, infact it doesn’t taste right at all, it’s not generic but instead it’s interestingly poor, almost as if there’s not quite enough sugar gone into it which just leaves sort of this very weak hint of what I can assume is the guarana.
Nope, I’m afraid this won’t be making a list of “Switzerland’s Finest Exports” anytime soon, although who can blame them for trying? Well, I just did, so there.
SoBe
Finally, we actually have something made in the British Isles, shock and horror. SoBe is a ‘healthier’ take on the energy drink and is a brand of squash connoisseurs and Pepsi distributors Britvic, albeit one they seem to care very little about as this was embarrassingly cheap at just 10 pence, probably because the date was February 2018 but I did buy these a few weeks ago, evidently they had very little faith in them selling through at anything more expensive… GREAT START!
Once again we have the guarana, joined by ginseng along with “naturally sourced” caffeine, which probably means they uprooted an entire field of rare plant species or something. According to the can, this is a “deliciously invigorating energy drink bursting with a fruity taste all of its own” oh well that’s a shame I was expecting them to have stolen the fruity taste from somewhere else, like Rubicon. It also states that “it’s packed with essential B vitamins to give you the boost you need” as well as 33% of your recommended daily allowance of sugar to give you the boost you need to achieve ultimate diabetes and dental decay, just like me in 30 years time if I continue doing this.
Today’s flavour is “Tropical Twist”, seriously I don’t know why anything “tropical” flavoured has to be so vaguely named, it’s just one of those odd words often found when they’re at a loss as to describe what fruits are involved, and indeed there are no individual fruits named on this can, which is code for “we just threw any old shite in”.
I have to say it’s very carbonated for a drink like this, at least compared to the previous two, and it’s quite ghastly, it’s like Lilt if it were made by space folk working just from a photograph, and I hate Lilt when it’s made by human beings, so this does not bode well. Nah, this is absolute rubbish, and it feels twice as sugary as the others, infact it actually contains 5g more than our lord and saviour the V drink.
So not only does it taste horrible, it’s a complete load of bollocks to boot, you should probably use it to de-ice your car instead and stay happy.
That’s all, folks. Back to food next time, I promise!
SQ 2 